It’s Men’s Mental Health Month, so we at Spirence felt it was only right to contribute to the avalanche of blogs, articles, and videos on the topic.

But before you dismiss this article as just another men’s mental health blog that tells you about how men’s mental health concerns go less treated (they do), or how men’s suicide rates are four times higher than women’s (they are), we might ask you to stick around because we want to explore another angle that isn’t talked about nearly enough:

The harms and benefits of embracing traditional masculine gender norms and roles.

I, like many men, had a period of my life in which I succumbed to the Western societal pressures placed on males to be tight-lipped about internal suffering, and, boy, did I pay a hefty price for it.

I spent years living inauthentically, covering up that I was fighting a mental battle that no one could see. Asking for help, seeking treatment, talking about feelings – they all seemed like scarier options than just gritting my teeth and pretending to be fine. And then, suddenly, I couldn’t pretend anymore, and the world collapsed around me, swallowing me up into a paradoxical black hole where feelings needed to be discussed and wanted to be avoided simultaneously.

Coming out on the other end of the fight, I found myself attending weekly Men’s support groups – ones that I still attend to this day, 13 years later. I found myself talking about feelings, struggles that I’m facing, victories and defeats, and listening to other men do the same. And, guess what? I felt better, which leads me to the purpose of this article.

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Re-Evaluating Male Gender Norms

There was a research article I read recently written on the topic of men experiencing post-traumatic growth (PTG) – a theory that personal growth can be accelerated and/or amplified by appropriately processing traumatic events. The article’s authors initially posited that adherence to traditional masculine gender norms will likely inhibit men’s ability to experience post-traumatic growth. After conducting their research, they found that to be only partly true. Men who adhered to some aspects of masculine norms experienced PTG at an equal rate to women, but men who adhered to what the authors called hegemonic masculinity norms struggled to gain access to healing. They defined hegemonic norms as embodying hypermasculine, toxic traits such as dominance, aggression, violence, and being overly competitive. Conversely, the male gender norms they found to be beneficial tohealing were dedication to goals, striving for success, chivalry, heroism, and a sense of male pride.

Wanting a more exhaustive list of positive versus inhibitive male gender norms, I delved deeper into a research database and found this cleaner list:

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A Shift in the Narrative

A large study published in the Clinical Psychology Review reveals that, contrary to popular belief, following traditional male gender norms can be advantageous, depending on which aspects are adopted and how. This indicates that men don’t need to reject what is traditionally considered masculine to seek help; instead, they should let go of the harmful aspects of masculinity that hold them back.

Fear of appearing weak or ‘unmanly’, suppressing emotions, thinking toughness and manliness are synonymous, and believing anger is the only acceptable emotion all hinder their ability to develop into healthy, productive men. While data shows men generally struggle with mental health concerns as much as anyone else yet are less likely to seek or receive help, it doesn’t have to be this way. We encourage a shift in perspective towards masculinity, and how we approach treating men with mental health concerns. According to the same study in the Clinical Psychology Review, they reported that men favor collaborative, action-oriented, problem-solving approaches over traditional emotion-based therapies. Reframing masculinity, rather than abandoning it, is linked to better help-seeking outcomes.

I do think it’s important to note that this reframing doesn’t apply to all men. The studies focused primarily on specific populations of men, so it’s vital that you recognize what works best for each person individually. Regardless of background, if we ask ourselves, “Who do I want to be as a man?” rather than “Who does society want me to be as a man?”, we will be making strides in the right direction.

As a mentor of mine always says,

“Everything in life, including the choices we make, come with an emotional price tag, and you’ve got to be willing to pay that price.”

So, the question is: Are you willing to pay the price for operating from a place of toxic hypermasculinity, or would you prefer to pay the price for embracing the healthier, more collaborative and productive traits of masculinity?

I have a feeling I know what choice you’ll want to make, and I can tell you, it’s likely the much cheaper option!

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References:

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. (2026). Suicide statistics. https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/

Barlow, M. R., & Hetzel-Riggin, M. D. (2018). Predicting posttraumatic growth in survivors of interpersonal trauma: Gender role adherence is more important than gender. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 19(3), 446–456. https://doi.org/10.1037/men0000128

Martin, L. A., Neighbors, H. W., & Griffith, D. M. (2013). The experience of symptoms of depression in men vs women: Analysis of the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. JAMA Psychiatry, 70(10), 1100–1106. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2013.1985

Mokhwelepa, L. W., & Sumbane, G. O. (2025). Men’s mental health matters: The impact of traditional masculinity norms on men’s willingness to seek mental health support: A systematic review of literature. American Journal of Men’s Health, 19(3), 15579883251321670. https://doi.org/10.1177/15579883251321670

Seidler, Z. E., Dawes, A. J., Rice, S. M., Oliffe, J. L., & Dhillon, H. M. (2016). The role of masculinity in men’s help-seeking for depression: A systematic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 49, 106–118. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2016.09.002

Wong, Y. J., Ho, M.-H. R., Wang, S.-Y., & Miller, I. S. K. (2017). Meta-analyses of the relationship between conformity to masculine norms and mental health-related outcomes. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 64(1), 80–93. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000176

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AI is becoming part of everyday work. It drafts emails, summarizes meetings, organizes ideas, analyzes information, and helps us move faster than ever. For many people, that speed is useful. For others, it feels overwhelming. For most of us, it is probably both.

The challenge is not whether AI is good or bad. The more useful question is this: how do we use AI without letting it take over the parts of work and life that still need our full human attention?

Recent research is beginning to show that AI can improve productivity, but overuse may also create new forms of mental strain. A 2026 Harvard Business Review article from Boston Consulting Group described a pattern they called “AI brain fry,” where constant use or monitoring of AI tools can increase fatigue, decision overload, and errors. Their study of nearly 1,500 U.S. workers found that the mental strain often came less from doing the work and more from supervising the AI doing the work.  

That distinction matters. When you are using AI well, it can feel like support. When you are managing too many AI workflows at once, your brain is constantly checking, correcting, evaluating, prompting, and second-guessing. Instead of reducing cognitive load, AI can quietly add another layer of oversight.

The Hidden Cost of Offloading Too Much Thinking

Think about GPS. Before GPS, getting somewhere new required attention. You looked at a map, remembered turns, noticed landmarks, and built a mental picture of where you were going. Now, most of us follow the blue line, arrive at the destination, and have no real memory of how we got there.

AI can create a similar pattern with thinking.

When we ask AI to write, analyze, decide, summarize, or brainstorm for us, we may get to the destination faster. But if we stop participating in the thinking process, we also stop building the mental map.

Researchers have started using the term “cognitive debt” to describe this kind of repeated mental offloading. Work connected to MIT researcher Nataliya Kosmina has raised concerns that repeated use of large language models can reduce critical engagement and lead to shallower processing over time.  

The issue is not using AI. The issue is making AI the default first step for every thinking task.

Over time, that can weaken the skills we still need most: judgment, creativity, problem-solving, attention, and the ability to sit with a difficult question long enough for clarity to emerge.

Why Human Connection Matters More Now

While AI changes how we think, it also changes how we connect.

AI can simulate conversation. It can sound supportive, thoughtful, and even emotionally aware. But it cannot fully replace the biological experience of being with another person.

Human connection helps regulate the nervous system. Tone of voice, eye contact, shared laughter, presence, and real conversation all send signals of safety that a chatbot cannot fully provide. This is part of why using AI as a substitute for human connection can become risky.

A 2026 longitudinal study found evidence that increased social chatbot use predicted increased loneliness over time. Other research has shown a more complicated picture, where AI companions may offer short-term relief, but still raise concerns when they begin replacing real relationships.  

AI can be a useful tool. It can be a thought partner. It can help organize ideas, reduce friction, and support better work. But it should not become a replacement for the people, conversations, and relationships that keep us grounded.

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Three Ways to Use AI Without Losing Yourself

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The Goal Is Not Less AI. It Is Better AI Use.

AI is not going away, and for many people, it will continue to be a valuable part of work and life. The opportunity is to use it with intention.

Let AI help with the repetitive, time-consuming, and organizational parts of work. Let it challenge your thinking. Let it help you move faster when speed is useful.

But protect the parts of your day that require your own mind and your real relationships.

The people who thrive in an AI-heavy world will not simply be the ones who use AI the most. They will be the ones who use it well while staying fully human in the process.

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What if the key to mental clarity and resilience isn’t in your to-do list, but on your plate?

When integrative nutrition health coach Lindsay Keosayian and Properly Pressed founder Jillian Maher began rethinking their relationship with food, they discovered that nutrition could be a powerful lever for improving mood, focus, and overall well-being.

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Many people know what it’s like to feel not quite themselves: less energy, less focus, less joy. For Lindsay and Jillian, those moments became turning points, prompting them to dig into the connection between what they ate and how they felt.

On this episode of Prevention Pioneers, they share how small nutrition adjustments can shift not just physical health but also mental resilience, and why the gut-brain connection is one of the most underrated levers for improving mood and focus.

Small Changes for Meaningful Results

For both women, nutrition and mental health are not just professional interests. Each has faced personal health challenges that led them to rethink their approach to food. For Lindsay, it was the frustration of not finding answers through traditional routes alone that led her to explore integrative nutrition alongside professional guidance, and slowly, things started to shift.

Jillian’s turning point was more abrupt. “I had no idea how to eat, and it caught up with me very quickly.” Making intentional choices about food and hydration changed not just how she felt physically, but how she showed up mentally.

Both experiences point to the same insight: you don’t need a perfect diet to feel a difference. Small, deliberate changes can be enough to start moving the needle.

Gut Health and Mental Health: The Overlooked Link

How does nutrition affect mental health? Lindsay points to the science behind the gut-brain connection. “We know that the gut and the brain are connected. And when our gut is off, usually our mood is off as well.”

Jillian adds that when food doesn’t sit well with her body, “I kind of lose a portion of myself because I believe that the gut is sending the signals to the mind…how could you be happy if you didn’t have what you needed to thrive, right?”

They emphasize that it’s not just about eating more vegetables or avoiding sugar. It’s about understanding how certain foods can quietly disrupt mental clarity and resilience, while others can help us feel more balanced and energized.

Moving Beyond All-or-Nothing

One of the biggest mental barriers Lindsay and Jillian see is the idea that healthy eating requires perfection. Many people feel pressure to completely overhaul their diets, but both guests encourage a different mindset. Lindsay reminds us, “It’s really important for people to start small. Pick one thing that they want to focus on.”

Instead of striving for perfection, they suggest tracking what you eat and how you feel, and focusing on progress. “When you start to track all of that, you can connect the dots to see what foods made you feel really good… the momentum really starts to pick up, and when you feel good, it makes it easier to continue on that path.”

Ready to Take The First Step?

Start with one change this week. Track how it makes you feel. It’s a small habit that LInsday and Jillian both point to as the beginning of real, lasting change.

Hear the full conversation in Shaping Mental Health Through Nutrition with LIndsay Keosayian and Jillan Maher on Prevention Pioneers.

Curious about how to take your next step toward better mental well-being through the mind-body connection? Explore the Spirence platform for proactive resources and guidance on building healthier habits from the inside out.

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The term “Toxic” is thrown around quite a bit these days. Whether someone is describing their workplace, a former (or current) boss, or the most frustrating of them all, a toxic coworker. 

In the book, Toxic Workplace (2009), authors Mitchell Kusy and Elizabeth Holloway define toxic personalities as those whose “counterproductive behavior damages individuals, teams, and organizations over time.” People who are shaming, belittling, passive-aggressive, directly aggressive, or saboteurs are just a few of the types of personalities considered toxic in workplaces. Research out of the MIT Sloan School of Management (2022) identified five main attributes most likely to contribute to creating a toxic culture: disrespectful, non-inclusive, unethical, cutthroat, and abusive. The researchers, Sull et al., even gave these five attributes a name that makes them sound like a supergroup of villains – The Toxic Five. 

Based on my experience, a “toxic” coworker rarely possesses just one of these traits. For example, I remember working with someone who was a crafty saboteur. They were covert and sneaky, presenting one way to my face and a totally different way behind my back. In one instance, they celebrated with me after landing a new account, and then a week later, when I called the person in charge at my new account, they let me know they had heard from my coworker and were going to work with him instead because he convinced them he was “more equipped to handle their unique needs.” When confronted on the matter, he simply raised his hands up and said, “It’s a tough game out there, and I’m just doing my job.” 

I’ll give you a second to pick your jaws up from the floor. 

Okay, welcome back. 

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In this instance, they were overtly a saboteur and covertly disrespectful, unethical, and cutthroat – a toxic personality trait mixed with three of the “toxic five.”

I was frustrated and angry. And then, after management told me nothing would be done about what happened because my coworker is one of their top producers, I felt helpless, too. Other people experienced the same thing I did, but no one wanted to say anything out of fear of what might happen if they did. 

My experience, while shocking to some, is not unique to me, and this type of behavior takes a toll on organizations and the people within them. 

A Look at the Numbers

First of all, if you’ve experienced toxic behavior at work, it turns out you’re overwhelmingly not alone. In 2023, FlexJobs conducted a survey and found that 84% of workers have worked with at least one toxic coworker, and 27% have worked with multiple. In one study by the Harvard Business Review (2013), 98% of workers reported experiencing uncivil behavior at work, and half of them said they experienced it every single week. Most recently, Monster’s 2025 Mental Health in the Workplace Poll reported that 80% of U.S. workers said they work in a toxic work environment. With numbers like these, it’s no wonder this subject has become a hot topic for discussion all over LinkedIn and TikTok!

It’s one thing to acknowledge that toxic behavior is common, but how does it actually affect organizations? 

In one study, 48% of managers and employees reported that their work effort decreased in response to rudeness, and 47% reported intentionally reducing their time at work (Porath, 2013). Elsewhere, 68% of employees reported toxic environments, or coworkers, hurt their performance due to it decreasing their cognitive function – their literal ability to think and process – by 30 to 50% (Massivue, 2024). That same article uncovered that toxic work environments cost U.S. businesses approximately $45 billion dollars per year in lost productivity. Yikes!

It’s also worth considering that a study by MIT Sloan School of Management (2022) found that a toxic work culture is the strongest predictor of industry-adjusted attrition, meaning that your toxic coworker or boss would most likely be the reason you’d leave a job. 

Lastly, as Spirence is a mental health prevention platform, we would be remiss if we didn’t bring up how people’s health is affected by toxic individuals. Clark et al. (2021) found that workplace incivility was significantly related to increased headaches, sleep problems, and digestive problems. They also noted a significant decrease in people’s overall sense of well-being. Furthermore, Hassanie et al. (2025) found that having a toxic coworker likely increased the odds of people experiencing burnout, secondary traumatic stress disorders, and lower mental health. They even found that the most resilient of people could only stand so much of it before it got to them, too! Anjum et al. (2018) found that incivility, harassment, and bullying all led to burnout, which reduced people’s productivity.

By now, you can see that the effects of having a toxic coworker are enormous, costly, and widespread. The question then becomes, what can you do about it?

Taking Action Against the Behavior

In recent years, an attorney-turned-author and public figure, Jefferson Fisher, has gained popularity for sharing tactics to help people manage bullies and other toxic behaviors. He has a quote in his book, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More, that I love:

“Stop attending every argument you’re invited to.”

The message behind the message here is that how we respond to toxic behavior matters more than the behavior itself. While it’s easy to get caught up and feel the need to defend ourselves, as Fisher writes, “…a long pause is your greatest weapon.” 

Here are some well-documented tools to help you deal with toxic behaviors:

The Gray Rock Method

By making yourself boring and unreactive to the toxic person, you deprive them of the response they want. While this certainly takes a wheelbarrow full of emotional control, it’s the most sure-fire way to ensure a toxic person leaves you alone. They are looking for a reaction from you, so if you don’t give it to them, they are likely to a) reflect on why they aren’t getting what they want, and b) move on away from bothering you. (PureWow, 2025; Star HR, 2025). Remember, how a person treats you says more about them than it does about you, so don’t stoop to their level or give them what they want.

Document Everything and Find Strength in Numbers

Look, everyone has a bad day. But if someone’s behavior has become increasingly problematic, toxic, widespread, and consistent, it’s time to start building a posse of people and a stack of evidence. Begin collaborating with other people who have been exposed to the person’s behavior. Collectively, start documenting everything. Save every email. Write down emotionless, fact-based recaps after each problematic interaction. Build an evidence trail of the behavior (HR Acuity, 2025) to support your case. 

If the person is a coworker of yours, before escalating the situation to include management and HR, approach the person as a group to try to address the behavior. Kusy and Holloway, authors of Toxic Workplace, found that group feedback is far more effective than attempting to provide feedback to a person behaving toxically on your own. As a group, use “we” statements and separate the person from the behavior to reduce defensiveness. They already have an angry mob coming at them with corporate pitchforks, so you need to do whatever you can to reduce their sense of being threatened. For example, try saying something like “Our ability to work productively is affected when (name a few specific instances and behaviors from your documentation).” In the end, this person is your teammate. Treat them with respect, model the behavior you want to see in them, use your power in numbers, and try to get them aligned (or re-aligned) with the team. Here’s a mantra for you to repeat: This isn’t a group attack – it’s an intervention.

If that doesn’t work, you’ll want to take your collective documentation and escalate the situation to HR or management. People often fear retaliation, so they don’t complain about a boss or coworker, but coming together as a group to file a joint complaint makes that fear less likely to materialize.

Take Care of Yourself

As difficult as it may be to have a toxic coworker, you need to ensure you have self-care practices in place. Sleep, exercise, nutrition, stress-management tools, and having support systems in place are all crucial to cope with the stress of being exposed to toxic behavior. 

You cannot operate from a place of clarity, control, or professionalism if you aren’t taking care of yourself. These situations take their toll on us, physically and mentally, so our greatest offense is to build a strong internal defense. If the situation is starting to get in your head and you begin to question yourself, use your support system to reality-check your thoughts. Trusted colleagues, friends, mentors, and clinicians are all options to help you lighten the psychological load.

In the end, we are not responsible for the behavior of others. We simply cannot control what someone else does. However, we are responsible for how we show up, so let’s show up at our best!

Spirence is here to support your mental health as you navigate day-to-day life. Spirence’s virtual library of courses, seminars, and more offers education, tools, and skills to help you achieve whole-person mastery…even in the face of toxic behavior.

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References:

Anjum, A., Ming, X., Siddiqi, A. F., & Rasool, S. F. (2018). An empirical study analyzing job productivity in toxic workplace environments. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 15(5), 1035. 

Clark, C. M., Sattler, V. P., & Barbosa-Leiker, C. (2021). Workplace incivility and its effects on the physical and psychological health of nursing faculty. Nursing Education Perspectives, 42(5), 297–299. 

Farmani, M. (2025, January 19). How to deal with toxic coworkers, according to a CEO. PureWow.

Fisher, J. (2025). The next conversation: Argue less, talk more. Penguin Random House.

FlexJobs. (2023, September 18). Report: Toxic workplaces are pervasive and harmful. 

Hassanie, S., Uludag, O., Trivedi, D., BouKarroum, S., & Saidy, J. (2025). Who cares for the healthcare workers? The impact of workplace incivility on healthcare workers’ traumatic stress and mental health mediated by psychological resilience. Human Factors in Healthcare, 7, 100105. 

HR Acuity. (2025, December 17). How to manage toxic employees in the workplace. 

Kusy, M., & Holloway, E. (2009). Toxic workplace! Managing toxic personalities and their systems of power. Jossey-Bass.

Massivue. (2024, October 29). The silent productivity killer: Understanding and measuring the impact of toxic workplace culture. 

Monster. (2025). Mental health in the workplace poll. As reported in Speakwise. (2026). Toxic workplace statistics 2026: Key data.

Porath, C., & Pearson, C. (2013, January–February). The price of incivility. Harvard Business Review. 

Star HR. (2025, May 5). 35-ish ways to deal with a toxic coworker, according to an HR expert. 

Sull, D., Sull, C., & Zweig, B. (2022, January 11). Toxic culture is driving the Great Resignation. MIT Sloan Management Review, 63(2), 1–9. 

Sull, D., & Sull, C. (2022, March 16). Why every leader needs to worry about toxic culture. MIT Sloan Management Review. 

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At some point this week, someone probably asked how you were doing. And you probably said fine. Maybe you are fine. But if you’re not, chances are you said it anyway.

I know because I’ve done it too. There was a stretch of time not long ago when I was juggling graduate school, a lot of uncertainty at home, and the particular kind of exhaustion that comes from trying to hold everything together at once. A close friend texted asking if I wanted to get together. I typed back something like “I’m so swamped right now…rain check soon though.” She said, “Of course, no worries, whenever you’re ready.”

I put my phone down and went back to my laptop.

That moment tells me more about how I was doing than anything I said out loud. I wasn’t falling apart. I was functioning. But I was quietly carrying more than I was letting on, and I had gotten so good at managing the appearance of okay that I didn’t even notice I was doing it.

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Where Most of Us Actually Live

I spent time working in a senior living community before going back to school, watching caregivers show up every single day for residents who were dying, holding space for families in some of their hardest moments, and then going home and doing it all over again. They were extraordinary people. What struck me wasn’t anything about where we worked. It was the broader culture of caregiving itself. The unspoken expectation that if you chose this kind of work, you were supposed to be able to handle it. That needing support somehow contradicted the strength it took to show up every day.

We called it dedication. We called it passion. We called it resilience.

Looking back, I think a lot of it was people not feeling like they had permission to not be okay.

Burnout Is an Imbalance, Not a Failure

I study organizational psychology and have spent the last year reading research on why people don’t ask for help until it’s too late. And yet, I still did exactly that. That’s the thing nobody really talks about when it comes to resilience. Knowing better doesn’t automatically make it easier or mean doing better.

A lot of what I’ve been researching points to something that’s pretty straightforward: burnout isn’t a character flaw. It’s what happens when what’s being asked of you consistently outweighs what you have to draw from. When demands keep stacking up, and resources stay thin, something eventually gives. That’s not a personal failure. It’s what happens when people are expected to keep going without enough to sustain them.

Resilience Isn’t an Individual Trait

We tend to frame resilience as an individual trait, something you either have or you’re working on. But I’ve started to think about it differently. Real resilience isn’t about needing less. It’s about having enough. It’s about the people, the support systems, and the environments around you actually doing something, and being willing to let them.

Here’s something worth sitting with. Every person walking through a hard stretch is carrying their whole world with them. Their history, their relationships, what they’ve been through before, what they have access to, what they were taught about asking for help. Two people can face the same challenge and have completely different experiences of it, not because one is stronger than the other, but because each is in a universe of context that nobody else can fully see.

What Staying Quiet Costs

That’s why resilience isn’t one-size-fits-all. And it’s also why we have to be honest about the fact that not everyone has a support system to lean on. Not everyone has access to a therapist, a flexible schedule, or people in their corner. For a lot of people, pushing through isn’t a mindset they’re choosing. It’s the only option available. When we talk about resilience without acknowledging that, we place the entire burden on the individual while ignoring whether the environment around them is functionally set up to help.

When the people and systems around us consistently ask more than they give back, burnout isn’t a personal failure. It’s an inevitable outcome.

On top of that, we live in a world that actively makes this harder. The glorification of being busy, the “good vibes only” mentality, the pressure to reframe every hard thing as a lesson or a blessing. Toxic positivity doesn’t leave much room for honesty. It can make admitting you’re struggling feel like failing at the attitude you’re supposed to have.

The cost of staying quiet is a lot higher than we admit.

People who access support early, before they’re already in crisis, do better. Not because they’re weaker or needier, but because they’re being honest about what they’re carrying. There’s something powerful about that kind of honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable.

What Resilience Really Looks Like

Not being okay is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s information. It’s your mind and body telling you something needs attention. The problem isn’t the feeling. The problem is when we treat it like something to push through rather than something to address.

Resilience, the kind that holds up over time, looks a lot less like never struggling and a lot more like knowing what you need and being willing to reach for it. It looks like texting the friend back honestly, making the appointment, asking for the extension, saying out loud that you are not fine.

It looks like letting the people who care about you show up for you.

I’m still working on this. Asking for help doesn’t come naturally to me, and I don’t think that makes me unique. But the more we talk openly about the fact that resilience was never meant to be a solo act, the easier it gets for all of us to close that gap between what we know and what we let ourselves do.

You don’t have to be okay all the time. You just have to be honest about when you’re not.

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What if your toughest workout could teach you more about leadership than any business book?

When ArmadaCare CEO Ed Walker began training for triathlons, the “fitness, fatigue, and form” mindset changed his leadership strategy, redefining the balance between pushing harder and burning out.

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For most executives, stress doesn’t arrive with a dramatic breaking point. It creeps in through 2 a.m. wakeups and the sense that you can’t ever fully turn your brain off.

That’s where Ed Walker, CEO of ArmadaCare and a seasoned triathlon and Ironman athlete, found himself. On this episode of Prevention Pioneers, he shares the loneliness of executive mental health struggles and what endurance training taught him about using strategic rest to increase work capacity. 

Let’s explore how Ed connects triathlon training to real decisions in the C-suite.

Endurance Training: A Different Kind of Leadership Classroom

When Ed started training for triathlons, he realized the same principles that helped him finish long-distance races could also help him sustain high-performance leadership over decades.

It came down to three factors: fitness, fatigue, and form.

In training, those determine whether you’re progressing or heading towards injury. In leadership, they determine whether you’re growing or quietly burning out.

“When you rest your body,” Ed says, “you’re actually able to increase your ability to go farther and faster.”

When you start viewing your own performance through the “fitness, fatigue, and form” mindset, pushing harder stops being the only strategy. Protecting your capacity becomes part of how you win.

Leadership is Lonelier Than an Ironman

Finishing an Ironman is grueling. But at least the course is mapped, and the finish line is clear. For Ed, leading a company has often felt less predictable and far more isolating.

He describes moving up through leadership as a slow narrowing of your inner circle. The stakes get higher, but the number of people you can truly talk to shrinks. That isolation doesn’t just show up at the office. It shows up in your head.

In the episode, Ed talks candidly about his “internal battles,” and how they’ve shaped his views on executive mental health. If you’ve ever felt that tension between appearing steady on the outside while everything churns on the inside, Ed’s experience makes it clear that you’re not the only one trying to find a healthier way through it.

Letting Go to Expand Your Capacity

Ed coaches emerging leaders at ArmadaCare to understand that they can’t keep taking on new, strategic responsibilities without letting go of old ones.

That’s where leadership resilience becomes preventative: by delegating earlier, saying no more often, and building a team that complements your weaknesses, you protect your energy before it runs out.

It’s a shift from asking, “How much more can I carry?” to, “What do I need to release so I can lead at the level I’m meant to?”

Ready to Rethink High Performance Leadership? Listen In.

Ed’s experience is a mirror for anyone wrestling with the weight of responsibility in a senior role.

This episode is especially relevant if you:

• Design or influence leadership development or wellbeing programs
• Advise executives on how to sustain performance over time
• Are personally navigating your own version of “always on” leadership.

If you’re rethinking what high performance really means for leaders, this conversation is for you. And if you’re looking to support leaders before burnout shows up, schedule a demo.

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When workers talk about what it’s like to return to the office, the conversation often sounds the same: the commute, ditching comfy clothes for professional attire, parking, childcare logistics.

But there’s another part of return to office that employees rarely address: It feels strangely… awkward to work with coworkers in person again.

After many years of digital interaction, one of the biggest adjustments is more than just logistical — it’s relational.

It’s the subtle disorientation of seeing someone in three dimensions after years of seeing them in two. Who here hasn’t experienced that awkward “you’re taller than I expected” moment?

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Communication in a Remote Setting

Digital interactions are highly efficient, but they’re also highly filtered. Communication is limited to a face-in-a-box, structured meetings, and side conversations in Slack. The discussions are scheduled, and the small talk is optional.

According to a study published by UC Berkeley Haas, “Remote work caused workers to spend about 25% less of their time collaborating with colleagues across groups, compared to pre-pandemic levels.”

~25% decrease in cross-group collaboration

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In a study published in the Journal of Behavioral and Applied Management, participants were asked how remote work has affected their work relationships. The participants noted that their work friendships had diminished with the implementation of remote work.

Their responses “…reflected a perspective towards remote work communication as being strictly professional. While they did not express that communication was poor, responses indicated that human connection was lacking.”

Without the proper virtual team management systems in place, it becomes all about work, and very little about building relationships or bonds with coworkers. People are reduced to their roles, and not the beautifully complex humans that they are, which feeds into the development of transactional relationships.

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Why This Social Transition Feels Harder Than Expected

Now that many of us are back in shared spaces, folks are trying to navigate when it’s okay to stop by a colleague’s desk, the detached feeling of messaging someone who’s sitting ten feet away, and the tipping point where small talk turns into oversharing. 

Employees who began their careers remotely or have spent the past six years working from home often struggle with this relational shift, underscoring the need for leaders to create return-to-office plans and strategies to manage the relational side of the shift.

Here’s why it can feel so awkward to make this social transition:

Some Employees Have Never Experienced In-Office Social Interactions

The younger generation of professionals who entered the workforce during the COVID-19 pandemic has never learned the unspoken etiquette of workplace cultural norms. Without those performance cues that are learned through direct experience, it’s hard for early-career professionals to know how and when to speak up at work, read the tone of in-person meetings, and build visibility.

Without this direct experience, younger professionals may be uncertain when it comes to workplace standards such as body language and communication tone. For Gen Z, who grew up online, casual communication has always been the norm, making it a struggle to shift to more formal communication.

In essence, you don’t know what you don’t know. But that doesn’t mean Gen Z workers don’t want to learn.

In an interview with CTV News, Ashley Kelly, founder and CEO of CultureAlly, said:

“They bring a ton of positives to the workforce. They really value transparency, flexibility, and inclusion. I’ll say too: they push organizations to live up to those values, and I think that that’s really good for everyone and for business in general.”

This highlights why leaders should be cautious about mandating a full return to the office and expecting employees to simply revert to traditional workplace norms. For many younger workers, those norms were never their reality. Forcing a return without acknowledging this shift risks making employees feel uncomfortable bringing their values, perspectives, and full contributions to the table.

Switching to an In-Office Environment Can Cause Overstimulation or Social Fatigue

Office life comes with a different sensory load than remote work: background noise, visual clutter, and spontaneous interactions. After growing accustomed to the comfort and control of a home office setting, this stark contrast can create overstimulation or social fatigue. It requires a mental and physical shift from doing things “my way” to doing things “our way.”

These workers don’t mean to be antisocial; they just need to rebuild their capacity to endure social interactions and rewire their brains to concentrate in different settings.

Notice the sharper drop in energy during in-office afternoons

Kathryn Esquer, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, recently highlighted the emotional labor it takes to manage social interactions in the workplace. She was quoted as saying:

“More than just pretending to be happy, it often involves the effort to suppress inappropriate feelings and try to align one’s emotional state with job expectations.”

Luckily, there are ways you can ease into social interactions while also recuperating from social fatigue, just like building up a muscle and then taking a rest day for it to recover.

You can begin by finding small ways to interact with your coworkers, starting with a wave when you walk through the door or a “good morning” in the elevator. It’s helpful to remember that everyone has something in common with their coworkers — similar fields, same company. This can eventually lead to discussions of shared interests or experiences.

Before the social interactions have you feeling fatigued, be sure to pencil in breaks for yourself throughout the day. Take a look at your tasks and find the perfect balance between energy-sucking and energy-giving activities.

If you have more draining tasks throughout the day, make sure you’re scheduling breaks and focus time to recoup from heavy projects and overstimulating conversations. And don’t be afraid to let your coworkers know when small talk isn’t on the schedule for the day – a great opportunity to practice setting healthy boundaries in a respectful way.

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What Leaders and HR Managers Can Do to Make This Social Transition Easier

The social awkwardness of returning to the office is an organizational transition challenge. Leaders who recognize this can address the discomfort and turn it into an opportunity to rebuild connection and strengthen culture.

When leaders normalize the awkwardness with a statement like, “It’s okay if this feels awkward; we’re relearning how to work in person together again,” they reduce the stigma and give employees permission to adjust at their own pace. Name it to tame it!

This validation is especially important for early-career employees who assume everyone already knows how to navigate office norms.

Work relationships won’t rebuild without intention and attention. In a study by Gallup, they noted that, “Spending time with others plays a key role in positive life evaluations. For example, sharing meals with others is as strong an indicator of well-being as income.”

Leaders can help rebuild that connection through:

• Low-pressure team lunches or coffee chats
• Incorporating time for small talk at the start of meetings
• Optional no-agenda collaboration meetings

The keyword here is optional. Forcing team bonding can backfire, especially for workers already experiencing social fatigue.

Some workers may feel anxious about returning to the office due to a perceived loss of autonomy. Remote work allowed people to structure their day around their energy levels. They could tackle deep work in silence, take breaks without explanation, and move through tasks without the constant possibility of interruptions.

Office environments create visible availability, overheard conversations, and the constant pressure to always appear “on.” Over time, this can add up to overstimulation, irritability, or mental exhaustion.

Leaders can protect autonomy and reduce social fatigue by:

• Encouraging and respecting calendar blocks for focus time
• Establishing collaboration zones
• Modeling healthy boundaries themselves
• Respecting unconventional “on” times

When employees trust they won’t be interrupted, they’re more willing to engage socially. Because interaction becomes a choice, not an intrusion.

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Relearning How to Work Together

Returning to the office is more than just logistical — it’s relearning how to relate to one another.

The awkward small talk.

The “Should I Slack or walk over?”

The social fatigue by 3 pm.

These are all signals of transition. With thoughtful leadership, intentional culture-building, and patience, what feels awkward now can transform into a workplace that blends the efficiencies of remote work with the depth of human connection.

The real adjustment isn’t where we work, it’s how we work together.

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Sources:

Gallup – The Remote Work Paradox: Higher Engagement, Lower Wellbeing https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work

UC Berkeley Haas – When everyone works remotely, communication and collaboration suffer, study finds https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work

ResearchGate – How Remote Work Changes Communication in Organizations https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work

CultureAlly – Why Some Employees Struggle With the Office Return (and How to Support Them) https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work

CTV News – Soft skills, etiquette and Gen Z: What went missing and how to bring it back https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work

SELF – What to Do If Your People-Focused Job Completely Drains Your Social Battery https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work

SELF – How to Feel Less Lonely at Work https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work

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How can leaders build strong teams and guide them through high-pressure situations?

In this episode of Prevention Pioneers, former college basketball coach Jay Wright discusses the power of attitude and humility in leadership and how they contribute to success.

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Jay Wright literally wrote the book on attitude. The two-time national championship-winning Villanova coach and author of “Attitude: Develop a Winning Mindset on and off the Court,” built one of college basketball’s most respected programs not on talent alone, but on humility, gratitude, and relentless preparation.

In this episode of Prevention Pioneers, he breaks down the leadership principles behind that success and why they matter just as much in the boardroom as on the court.

The Power of Attitude

Jay believes that the two things you can control in life are your attitude and your effort. He says, “Each day when you wake up, you have a choice. What’s my attitude going to be? Whatever happened yesterday, I can still control my attitude today.”

For workplace leaders, the takeaway is straightforward: modeling a conscious, consistent, positive attitude at work shapes your team’s mental resilience more than any single strategy.

In that game, resetting to a positive mindset after a bad play was what led them to win.

Humility and Gratitude as Leadership Essentials

Jay’s first national championship taught him how much success is outside your control. Humility in leadership is acknowledging those things. As Jay puts it, “There are two types of people in the world. Those who are humble, and those who are about to be.” 

No one wins alone, and Jay never lets himself forget it. He keeps a daily gratitude journal as a real way to slow down and recognize the people and moments that made a win possible.

He believes “gratitude comes with humility. And I think humility comes with intelligence.”

Another practice in humility is owning your mistakes. Jay shares a story in the episode about a moment that tested exactly that, and how he handled it is a lesson in what it really looks like to lead with accountability.

Managing Anxiety as a Leader

When anxiety appears in important moments, Jay’s approach to managing it is two-fold: remove the fear and failure, and build the right habits through preparation.

By preparing for the worst, Jay stops fearing failure. If he loses a big game, he already knows: “We’re going to learn a lesson. We’re going to build on it. We’re going to be all right. We’re going to come back to practice. It’s going to make us better.”

Preparation is also key to relieving performance anxiety. Jay knows when things get hard, his team will fall back on their habits, so he structured practice around building the right ones. The goal wasn’t just to prepare for plays. It was to instill the core values and automatic responses that hold up under pressure.

Fostering Team Culture & A Shared Mission

At Villanova, the team’s core values were simple: play hard, play together, play smart, play with pride. When someone strayed, their teammates pulled them back. Jay’s role was to protect that culture even when it meant making hard calls about individual players whose presence was affecting the team’s well-being. For Jay, a strong culture isn’t just good for morale; it’s a direct reflection of how well a leader is protecting the people around them. And that, he’d argue, is the whole job.

Using Mindset to Drive Resilience

Attitude, humility, accountability, and preparation create a resilient mindset that can bounce back from failure stronger and ready for success. To hear more of coach Jay Wright’s thoughts on attitude and leadership, listen to the full episode of our mental health podcast. To learn more about how preventative mental health can support your organization, explore the Spirence platform.

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I remember the moment well. I sat down in their office, trying to wear a brave face while quietly fighting off nerves that were tormenting and twisting my intestines into knots. “You asked to meet with me. I have five minutes. What’s up?” my boss said to me.

Before I tell you what I said, here’s a quick recap of how I landed in my boss’s office, preparing to quit a job I had been working for five and a half years and, if I’m being honest, was prepared to work the rest of my life at. Six weeks prior, there had been a changing of the guard. The CEO I had worked for from the start was being replaced by someone with little industry credibility, questionable ethics, and a knack for getting under people’s skin using snide comments and aggression. They also had some bad leadership habits they brought into the system. Let’s just say micromanagement is relaxed compared to how they managed.

Ultimately, the culture and team we had developed since I started in this role were quickly dismantled in a short 6-week window. Six weeks in, and I am one of the last people standing from the remaining crew who had all either quit or had been fired.

It was now my turn to leave.

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Now, back to their office. “I’ve decided to accept a position somewhere else, “I sheepishly blurted.

Silence. Silence. Silence. More Silence. The pulse in my neck was actually hurting my ear from beating so violently.

“Okay, why? Because I tell the truth around here?” they responded.

I was so confused by this response. Tell the truth? “What are you talking about?!” I wanted to shout. However, I responded in the most politically correct way possible, “Unfortunately, I believe I’ve reached my capacity here and have an offer that I, simply, cannot pass up.”

I chickened out of telling the truth, just like the rest of my former teammates did. Why? I was afraid of retaliation.

Truthfully, I’m grateful for this experience because it ignited in me the urge to begin studying leadership. And you know what I found? I’m not alone in my experience. In fact, a recent survey and report by BambooHR was just released (2025), and the data tells an interesting tale, particularly when combined with other research, of just why having a bad boss is called “toxic.”

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Breaking Down the Recent Report

BambooHR (2025) surveyed over 1,000 employees to better understand how employees feel their boss affects them. The results led BambooHR to release what they’re calling the “Bad Boss Index.” Here are some of the key findings:

How Much Do Bosses Influence Job Satisfaction and Retention?

Even though most employees report a positive influence from their manager, over half say their boss affects their decision to leave.

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How Much Do Bosses Influence Job Satisfaction and Retention?

Ethical concerns and overworking the team top the list, but even “pet peeves” like disorganization and micromanagement frustrate employees.

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Top Boss-Related Reasons Employees Leave Their Jobs

Relationship friction and unfair treatment are the biggest drivers of turnover.

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Types of Retaliation Employees Report After Speaking Up

More than 3 out of 4 employees reported experiencing some form of retaliation. This illustrates how critical psychological safety is in the workplace.

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BambooHR’s (2025) report makes it clear that a good or bad boss impacts the workplace and how people feel about their jobs. A boss can either create satisfaction or cause people to feel fear and want to leave their role. The report also makes it clear how important autonomy, respect, psychological safety, and open feedback systems are.

Now, given that Spirence is a platform designed for helping everyone achieve whole-person-mastery through engaging, relevant content focused on mental health and leadership skills development, I wanted to dive a bit further into some existing research to see what other effects having a “bad boss” might have on a person’s well-being, motivation, and more.

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Bad Bosses and Burnout, Motivation, Engagement, and Mental Health

The BambooHR (2025) study discussed employee dissatisfaction when a “bad boss” looms over employees, and that dissatisfaction could be a motivating factor for people to seek work elsewhere. What I wanted to know is what happens before a person reaches the point of quitting? How are they affected personally and professionally?

Well, it turns out, they are affected quite a bit. In a study by Wolor et al. (2022), the authors found a statistically significant negative effect on work motivation among those exposed to toxic leaders. In other words, they found that the more “toxic” a leader is, the less motivated employees are to get their work done. To add to this, a Gallup (2020) survey found that 70% of people’s level of work engagement was determined solely by who was managing them.

Burnout is on everyone’s minds right now, with a recent survey revealing that over 78% of folks in the U.S. report symptoms of burnout. It turns out, having a “bad boss” can make burnout more likely, according to McKinsey’s (2022) survey of 14,509 people. They found that toxic workplace behavior was the single biggest predictor of burnout symptoms. Combine that with a recent survey from the American Psychological Association (2023) that found that workers who reported a toxic workplace were more than three times as likely to report harm to their mental health compared to those in a healthy workplace, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

Sure, BambooHR’s (2025) “Bad Boss Index” cites job satisfaction declines due to “bad bosses,” but what might actually be going on, if we want to explain the dissatisfaction based on the other research we found, is rising burnout, declining mental health, lower employee engagement, and reduced motivational drive. All concerns that are not only detrimental to business, but they are also detrimental to our humanity.

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All is Not Lost

If anything, the “Bad Boss Index” sheds light on something we already know: the impact of leadership – good or bad – cannot be ignored.

Now, I believe very few people wake up as a boss and say, “I want to ruin the lives of my teammates today and destroy the company in the process.” Chances are, most people engaging in “bad boss” behavior haven’t been trained appropriately. It’s not that they are bad people. They’ve been put into a role and now have the responsibility of helping others do their jobs well, meeting KPIs, coping with pressure from above, and performing well themselves.

Awareness is the first step to change. It’s important for leaders to engage in a reflective practice. Ask ourselves:

• How am I showing up today?
• What emotional baggage am I carrying into my role?
• How are other people receiving me?
• What kind of leader do I want to be?

Thanks to the recent BambooHR (2025) report discussed above, we now know some behaviors to avoid. Are we engaging in any of them? If so, why? What does it look like if you tried a different approach?

Spirence is uniquely equipped to help as well. The Spirence platform offers several expert-driven leadership seminars, courses, and coaching sessions on various aspects of leadership and well-being, and both are equally important here. So, whether you want to learn about Transformational Leadership, Emotional Intelligence, Trauma, Stress Management, Developing Communication Skills, or any other of the dozens of choices on the platform, it’s built to uniquely serve you in achieving whole-person mastery inside and outside of the workplace.

No one likes a “bad boss.” Not at work, and not at home.

The good news is, just because you may have some bad habits as a boss now, you can always grow, develop, and change if you have the desire to do so. Spirence is here to help you do so.

Leading others always begins with leading ourselves. Remember that.

Cheers!

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References:

American Psychological Association. (2023). 2023 work in America survey. https://www.apa.org/pubs/reports/work-in-america

BambooHR. (2025). The hostile, the unfair, and the toxic: Bad boss index 2025. https://www.bamboohr.com/resources/guides/bad-boss-index

Gallup. (2020). What is employee engagement and how do you improve it? https://www.gallup.com/workplace/285674/improve-employee-engagement-workplace.aspx

McKinsey Health Institute. (2022). Addressing employee burnout: Are you solving the right problem? McKinsey & Company. https://www.mckinsey.com/mhi/our-insights/addressing-employee-burnout-are-you-solving-the-right-problem

Wolor, C. W., Ardiansyah, A., Rofaida, R., Nurkhin, A., & Rababah, M. A. (2022). Impact of Toxic Leadership on Employee Performance. Health psychology research, 10(4), 57551. https://doi.org/10.52965/001c.57551

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