The Hidden Discomfort of Returning to Office
Why Returning to the Office Feels Draining
When workers talk about what it’s like to return to the office, the conversation often sounds the same: the commute, ditching comfy clothes for professional attire, parking, childcare logistics.
But there’s another part of return to office that employees rarely address: It feels strangely… awkward to work with coworkers in person again.
After many years of digital interaction, one of the biggest adjustments is more than just logistical — it’s relational.
It’s the subtle disorientation of seeing someone in three dimensions after years of seeing them in two. Who here hasn’t experienced that awkward “you’re taller than I expected” moment?
Communication in a Remote Setting
Digital interactions are highly efficient, but they’re also highly filtered. Communication is limited to a face-in-a-box, structured meetings, and side conversations in Slack. The discussions are scheduled, and the small talk is optional.
According to a study published by UC Berkeley Haas, “Remote work caused workers to spend about 25% less of their time collaborating with colleagues across groups, compared to pre-pandemic levels.”
~25% decrease in cross-group collaboration
In a study published in the Journal of Behavioral and Applied Management, participants were asked how remote work has affected their work relationships. The participants noted that their work friendships had diminished with the implementation of remote work.
Their responses “…reflected a perspective towards remote work communication as being strictly professional. While they did not express that communication was poor, responses indicated that human connection was lacking.”
Without the proper virtual team management systems in place, it becomes all about work, and very little about building relationships or bonds with coworkers. People are reduced to their roles, and not the beautifully complex humans that they are, which feeds into the development of transactional relationships.
Why This Social Transition Feels Harder Than Expected
Now that many of us are back in shared spaces, folks are trying to navigate when it’s okay to stop by a colleague’s desk, the detached feeling of messaging someone who’s sitting ten feet away, and the tipping point where small talk turns into oversharing.
Employees who began their careers remotely or have spent the past six years working from home often struggle with this relational shift, underscoring the need for leaders to create return-to-office plans and strategies to manage the relational side of the shift.
Here’s why it can feel so awkward to make this social transition:
Some Employees Have Never Experienced In-Office Social Interactions
The younger generation of professionals who entered the workforce during the COVID-19 pandemic has never learned the unspoken etiquette of workplace cultural norms. Without those performance cues that are learned through direct experience, it’s hard for early-career professionals to know how and when to speak up at work, read the tone of in-person meetings, and build visibility.
Without this direct experience, younger professionals may be uncertain when it comes to workplace standards such as body language and communication tone. For Gen Z, who grew up online, casual communication has always been the norm, making it a struggle to shift to more formal communication.
In essence, you don’t know what you don’t know. But that doesn’t mean Gen Z workers don’t want to learn.
In an interview with CTV News, Ashley Kelly, founder and CEO of CultureAlly, said:
“They bring a ton of positives to the workforce. They really value transparency, flexibility, and inclusion. I’ll say too: they push organizations to live up to those values, and I think that that’s really good for everyone and for business in general.”
This highlights why leaders should be cautious about mandating a full return to the office and expecting employees to simply revert to traditional workplace norms. For many younger workers, those norms were never their reality. Forcing a return without acknowledging this shift risks making employees feel uncomfortable bringing their values, perspectives, and full contributions to the table.
Switching to an In-Office Environment Can Cause Overstimulation or Social Fatigue
Office life comes with a different sensory load than remote work: background noise, visual clutter, and spontaneous interactions. After growing accustomed to the comfort and control of a home office setting, this stark contrast can create overstimulation or social fatigue. It requires a mental and physical shift from doing things “my way” to doing things “our way.”
These workers don’t mean to be antisocial; they just need to rebuild their capacity to endure social interactions and rewire their brains to concentrate in different settings.
Notice the sharper drop in energy during in-office afternoons
Kathryn Esquer, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, recently highlighted the emotional labor it takes to manage social interactions in the workplace. She was quoted as saying:
“More than just pretending to be happy, it often involves the effort to suppress inappropriate feelings and try to align one’s emotional state with job expectations.”
Luckily, there are ways you can ease into social interactions while also recuperating from social fatigue, just like building up a muscle and then taking a rest day for it to recover.
You can begin by finding small ways to interact with your coworkers, starting with a wave when you walk through the door or a “good morning” in the elevator. It’s helpful to remember that everyone has something in common with their coworkers — similar fields, same company. This can eventually lead to discussions of shared interests or experiences.
Before the social interactions have you feeling fatigued, be sure to pencil in breaks for yourself throughout the day. Take a look at your tasks and find the perfect balance between energy-sucking and energy-giving activities.
If you have more draining tasks throughout the day, make sure you’re scheduling breaks and focus time to recoup from heavy projects and overstimulating conversations. And don’t be afraid to let your coworkers know when small talk isn’t on the schedule for the day – a great opportunity to practice setting healthy boundaries in a respectful way.
What Leaders and HR Managers Can Do to Make This Social Transition Easier
The social awkwardness of returning to the office is an organizational transition challenge. Leaders who recognize this can address the discomfort and turn it into an opportunity to rebuild connection and strengthen culture.
Normalize the Awkwardness
When leaders normalize the awkwardness with a statement like, “It’s okay if this feels awkward; we’re relearning how to work in person together again,” they reduce the stigma and give employees permission to adjust at their own pace. Name it to tame it!
This validation is especially important for early-career employees who assume everyone already knows how to navigate office norms.
Create Opportunities for Connection
Work relationships won’t rebuild without intention and attention. In a study by Gallup, they noted that, “Spending time with others plays a key role in positive life evaluations. For example, sharing meals with others is as strong an indicator of well-being as income.”
Leaders can help rebuild that connection through:
- Low-pressure team lunches or coffee chats
- Incorporating time for small talk at the start of meetings
- Optional no-agenda collaboration meetings
The keyword here is optional. Forcing team bonding can backfire, especially for workers already experiencing social fatigue.
Protect Focus Time
Some workers may feel anxious about returning to the office due to a perceived loss of autonomy. Remote work allowed people to structure their day around their energy levels. They could tackle deep work in silence, take breaks without explanation, and move through tasks without the constant possibility of interruptions.
Office environments create visible availability, overheard conversations, and the constant pressure to always appear “on.” Over time, this can add up to overstimulation, irritability, or mental exhaustion.
Leaders can protect autonomy and reduce social fatigue by:
- Encouraging and respecting calendar blocks for focus time
- Establishing collaboration zones
- Modeling healthy boundaries themselves
- Respecting unconventional “on” times
When employees trust they won’t be interrupted, they’re more willing to engage socially. Because interaction becomes a choice, not an intrusion.
Relearning How to Work Together
Returning to the office is more than just logistical — it’s relearning how to relate to one another.
The awkward small talk.
The “Should I Slack or walk over?”
The social fatigue by 3 pm.
These are all signals of transition. With thoughtful leadership, intentional culture-building, and patience, what feels awkward now can transform into a workplace that blends the efficiencies of remote work with the depth of human connection.
The real adjustment isn’t where we work, it’s how we work together.
Sources:
Gallup – The Remote Work Paradox: Higher Engagement, Lower Wellbeing https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work
UC Berkeley Haas – When everyone works remotely, communication and collaboration suffer, study finds https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work
ResearchGate – How Remote Work Changes Communication in Organizations https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work
CultureAlly – Why Some Employees Struggle With the Office Return (and How to Support Them) https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work
CTV News – Soft skills, etiquette and Gen Z: What went missing and how to bring it back https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work
SELF – What to Do If Your People-Focused Job Completely Drains Your Social Battery https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work
SELF – How to Feel Less Lonely at Work https://www.self.com/story/lonely-at-work
Sarah Pickett
GROWTH COORDINATOR
